Random thoughts about interrupted thoughts

June 2016

I’m not quite sure why I think the way I think, or act the way I act, but that’s just the way I am; that’s just me. We assume that everyone’s mind works the same and that we all think in the same patterns and with the same rhythm and speed, but the only mind we truly know is ours and ours alone. No one can truly teach me how to control my mind and thoughts: they can simply show me the way and guide me, but it’s up to me to discover my mind, understand it and control it. Only in a way that I know how, because, after all, my mind is my mind and no one else’s. We may think that we can all observe, understand, discover and control our minds in the same way and with the same methods, but we must remember that no two minds are the same. No two minds have gone through the exact same experiences. I, myself, think quite a lot, maybe even too much, maybe even too fast. My thoughts come flowing through hundreds at a time. Always connecting, always finding references from one thing to the other. Always organising my thoughts into folders and moving them about, from here to there, then back again. It’s a constant movement, my mind never sleeps, at least not to my knowledge. I used to be quite calm, quite quiet, never talking, only listening. But as I grew older I started to talk more, I started to think more, and then it just didn’t stop. Constant worry, constantly over-analysing every single detail and every single decision in my life thinking

…

15th of December 2016

I was interrupted whilst writing this. It was a good interruption, but an interruption nevertheless. Therefore, the flow of thought was broken and only myself in that moment all those months ago could have continued it. I could try and finish my sentence and random thought but I know it wouldn’t be the same. I’d just be writing it simply to “finish it” without attempting to see if from another perspective. Maybe it was a good thing that my thoughts got interrupted. Maybe the unfinished sentence is a way of showing that, besides all the thoughts flowing through like a train and connecting to create a piece of writing, an outside influence could just as easily slow it all down and replace my thoughts with their words spoken to me. The unfinished sentence could be a way of showing the true unedited version of life and it’s back and forth interactions. Things happen, changes happen, and once it’s done - it’s done.
I don’t regret not finishing it, I’m not frustrated that my thoughts were interrupted as they were interrupted for something better; for a conversation. It was a good conversation with a nice person, so I didn’t feel the need to say “Sorry, let me just finish my thought and then speak to you”. I was happily interrupted and felt no need to continue what I was writing. After all, what I write is merely a method to remember my feelings from that moment. In that moment, the feelings I had were a consequence of a calming meditation session with some close friends. When I read the thoughts I’ve previously written, I remember how I felt all those months ago. Each word and each sentence bound together generates this feeling.
I didn’t mind being interrupted by this person, as this person helped me to experience these thoughts about meditating and about my mind. If anything, I’m thankful.
Written by Sofia Tartaglia.

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