Random thoughts on healing

I'm starting to wonder. Is it a long road to recovery or is it a short but steep staircase?

I think it's a short but steep staircase. The ones that leave you gasping for air each step you take.

I've been walking down the long and flat road for a year thinking I was healing. Fooled by false temporary plasters yet no stitches to permanently heal the broken.

It's time I acknowledged the staircase with a clear view of the top.

Deep down I always knew I'd eventually have to tackle it. I thought I wasn't strong enough and I was too lazy to let go. I settled for comfort and convinced myself that this road with no visible end would eventually lead me out.

I forgot that when you feel you've hit rock bottom, or the equally painful stages just before, people always say that the only way to go is up... So why wasn't I going up?

Following that long road won't lead you up because it's flat. It's a distraction.

Maybe it's necessary to calm us down and to think before we tackle the steep steps permanently out of pain. But it's not healthy to spend years and years or your whole life waiting for the road to come to a stop. It won't.

The road is an illusion, it has no beginning or end.

When we hit the ground of this box with no ceiling, we wake up already on that road with the stairs visible in front of us. Some people may climb the stairs straight away, others may not even acknowledge them or realise that it's the way out.

The road goes round and round in a circle with the stairs in the middle.

When we pass the foot of the stairs, the sun shines on us and we feel okay.

When we pass under the stairs and their shadow, it's dark and we see no way out.

It's this constant imbalanced balance between feeling good and bad that leaves people so emotionally unstable, they may run off the road and sit in the dark corners of the box, refusing to heal as it's too painful so they keep it all inside.

If we want to get anywhere in life, and not just healing, we must acknowledge those steep intimidating stairs. We must climb, step by step, one at a time.

It won't be easy. It won't be quick. But when we can finally feel the warm sun resting on our face whilst we take a deep and painless breath, we'll know it was all worthwhile.

Written by Sofia Tartaglia on the 27th of August 2017